Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
