Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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