absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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