Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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