You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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