the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
