Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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