Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
