i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
