Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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