She said her name was "party"
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
