Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
