i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
