Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
