I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
