I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
