Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
