Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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