Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
