Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
