I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
