Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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