Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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