I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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