Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
