Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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