Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry about my life...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
