eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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