i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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