I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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