last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
