toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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