This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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