Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
