I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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