When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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