Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
