Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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