At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
