Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
