The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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