my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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