Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
