just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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