He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
