i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
