do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
