Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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