What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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