Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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