you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
