im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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