I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
